Cliche

2011-05-17T22:23:00.001-07:00

Moved. http://www.shikingotswag.blogspot.com/

haha bye.

2011-04-01T22:48:00.000-07:00

I don’t have that killer, gorgeous smile. I don’t have the perfect, skinny body. I don’t have the right, light skin color. I’m not flawless. I don’t have the clothes to put together the cutest outfit. My hair never stays the way I want it to. I’m not one of those girls that can catch guys’ eyes easily. I’m not someone a guy would “miss out on”. I’m not always a happy person.I’m not the girl you want, but I can be the girl you need. I’ll show you the real me, the girl who is far from perfect. I may not be everything or anything you look for in a girl, but I can promise you I can give you what no one else can. If you’d only let me.

2011-03-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

I am not afraid anymore.

2011-03-10T06:55:00.000-08:00

You know when you're always there for people but they were never there for you. You know when you thought this someone is the best to rant to, but you know that there's someone better he/she'd rather rant to. You know you're not the best, but you're trying to. You hide your feelings, not wanting people to know because you want them to figure out their selves. But at the end of the day, nobody realize you even exist.

2011-03-09T06:01:00.000-08:00

i wish i could fucking scream my lungs out. i want to release all this thoughts that has been haunting me. cb. everyone fucking suck. idiot. i feel so trapped. i just wish that i can keep all this fucking feelings away because i can't. some people have to realize that they're wrong. fuckers. heartless people. fucking inhuman creatures. why must you be alive? fucker. please spare some thoughts about some other people and how they might feel. how your words may affect one's life. tsk, i don't know who to rant my feelings to. i just can't, to anyone who's very close to me. this sucks. i feel so trapped. what a life. i wish to fucking die.

2011-03-07T06:16:00.000-08:00

hello i bought dslr alr yeehoooooo. ok bye.

2011-03-04T07:29:00.000-08:00

I wish i'm happy like how everyone is, with their life. It's killing me, really.

2011-03-01T06:55:00.000-08:00

Hi. It's been a long time since i blog. My life is great but i've been crying for 3 subsequent nights dun ask me why lol. Life is okay but it's just my inner feelings. I wonder who still reads my blog? I only know my two bestfriend do, well sometimes. Hmm, i don't know what to say. There's thousands of things i wish i could spill out. But i just can't find the words to say and even if spilling it out doesn't change anything. People will be like, "Oh, okay. That's life, cheer up." And i'll go on with my life. You see, might as well you depend on yourself. It sucks how you need to run a life that is so different from others. So so different. Nobody else notices, just you.

2011-02-22T05:42:00.000-08:00

im so confused with life. i always want to vent my anger on someone. i always want to tell someone how i actually feel. but it's hard. or maybe the problem is the person. and maybe, i just don't want to share. i like being alone. but really, i sometimes just want to fucking stab someone. okay. i'm so crazy haha k bye

2011-02-12T03:32:00.000-08:00

Can i know what's wrong with me? I've been shaking all day. Shaking like, shivering. My body can't stop shivering and there's a chill on almost every part of my body. Something musn't be right. I'm so sad and i feel so cheated. This feeling, i don't even know what is it. I wish i could find the words to say, but i just can't. I'm tired. I feel so useless. I'm a strong girl? Yah right. But i'm dying inside. Really, i can't hold any of it anymore. I fucking suck you know.......

2011-02-10T04:02:00.000-08:00

I hate that feeling. The feeling when you’re sad, but you have no idea why. You just are. And in your mind, you’re thinking of all the bad things in your life and apply it to your emotions, making you even more sad. Then people ask you what’s wrong and you have nothing to say. You end up, sitting there, quiet, while it seems as if everyone, but you, is happy.

And i feel like this every single time. I hate myself for being always this emotional. The truth is, i wanted to be okay again but i just can't find the strength to pick myself up. It's me. I don't want anybody's help to help me up I just need someone who can make me happy again.

2011-02-08T06:35:00.000-08:00

i just need this. i swear.

2011-02-06T07:25:00.000-08:00

what if one day i'll die but nobody knows why?

2011-01-28T05:32:00.000-08:00

ever felt like nothing right is going on in your life? like everything in life is revolving in different ways and it clashes into one another and stresses you up. so many things to do, so many things to take responsible off. and so many things you can't clear off your mind. you're so stress, and nobody wants to help you. you know nobody will help you, because they're the one who makes you angry, when you thought they're the only reason who could make you understand the word 'happy'. when everyone around you is feeling happy but not you, and you feel so small. or when you feel so happy but everyone's sad. i hate that. and i am always the person who is odd. i don't know what God has put up for me in life but this, this year. it's really making me really stressed up. if i could, i would end my life now. i can never stay happy for a long time and when i'm in bed about to sleep, i always cry. always. why? because there's too many things to think off, and to handle with. i am so tired. i am so tired, both mentally and physically tired. i wish i could rant it out to someone. i always did but this time, i just can't. it seems like a part of my life is missing. the missing part is a big one of my life. i am really tired. i can't hold too long, you know? just one day if things don't get better, i'll make the last decision i will ever make already.

2011-01-26T05:43:00.000-08:00

i was happy then but now i am not. i can't stay happy for a month. january hasn't end and i'm feeling like this already. all the negative thoughts crawl up my mind and my insecurities eats me up, alive. i can't bare to suffer this pain anymore and i can't bare crying every night for nothing at all. i'm sad and i will forever be sad. people cheer me up but nobody can give me the kind of happiness i longed for. nobody understands me and nobody will ever will, but it is okay because this is natural to me. that's it. from now on whichever guy come into my life i will never, ever, waste my time on them. be it you. you people are not worth it, you people are just the same. you people just come and go and leave a mark in my life. education sucks, art's stressing me up. i'm so stressed, i'm so depressed. i am so lost and confused. i am so lonely and sad. i am crying. i can't stop. i hate my life. i need to pause time and sleep, and wake up whenever i want to. i am tired and i want a break. i'm falling apart and i can't get myself back together again. i never wanted any of these.

2011-01-25T07:18:00.000-08:00

hi i hate my life. ok? today is the worst day of my life. so many things happen. i hate education and i hate the fact i'm taking art. it stresses me so much, okay? only if i'm good in science, i can take pure. this sucks, fucking suck. i'm so stressed ok? i tried to study and concentrate. but i just can't. you know, nowadays i damn tired like hell and i think my braincells are dying faster. i always no energy ok. i am so tired. i am happy, but i am physically tired. and people don't even know how to make me happy. i feel so lost. i feel like a part of my life is missing. and i know what is it. i just miss you. i still do miss you. i'm happy right now, because things are going on smoothly in my life. but i hate the fact that you weren't with me, even right now. kill myself. i fucking hate myself.

and i fucking hate this bitch from my class. so arrogant. so slutty.

_|_

2011-01-24T06:34:00.000-08:00

i am still waiting.

2011-01-23T08:39:00.000-08:00

hi i so long nvr update sia lol. now 12:39am and i have sch tmr. i love art babeh. :) okay so today pop lol i go up stage take cert paiseh sia i forgot to smile for the camera. ok. then aft tht is disco party wooooh fun gila. jump here jump there. keep dancing like nobody's business. then my throat pain now. and i get to take a picture with jia jie hehe sho happy. lol. ok i think i should sleep alr. 4hours more to waking up for school :/ fml.

2011-01-19T05:29:00.000-08:00

I just love 2011 and i'm trying my best to put all the sadness aside.

I'm trying, really trying.

2011-01-16T00:13:00.000-08:00

hiiiii the weather is so cold i could die any moment right here. didn't go to zu's birthday party cause i was too lazy to go out lol sry. plus i got to prepare for sch things. cheh -.- it's 4.14pm and i haven't even do my ss file cover. oh and i found out smt about.. someone. fake much? i knew it already :) i ate awesome food today, lol. today western style hehehuhu. i'm so bored! i wanna go watch bof, since it's been a long time. haha bye :)

2011-01-15T01:22:00.000-08:00

my 500 messages finish alr ): so sad. i only got free incoming calls, outgoing call(abit) and some internet. that. is. super. sad. today went to yishun sec to help our their cca day, hehe! our facy drill is so dot dot dot and the squad one, super fail sia. heard the results are out for nco. i hope i pass, really! :< aft that we went to eat kfc with them. hehe. i love pulling people's brastrap! LOL :p i'm so booooooored right now. bleah :( flood my formspring peopleeesssss.

2011-01-14T04:50:00.000-08:00

Hello. Tomorrow i'm going yishun sec to do fancy drill omg which me the best i'll be giving out the timing. I'm so scared lulzzzzzz just wish me the best. Ben nvr reply me alr D:< So sad haahaaa k bai.

2011-01-13T07:20:00.000-08:00

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. kbye.

2011-01-10T01:55:00.000-08:00

i'm afraid i will get depressed when i grow up. i'm afraid of everything. i'm so afraid of this world. it just seems that the only guy that i look onto is you and nobody else. i tried to, i really tried but i just can't. i told myself to let go, i told myself i hated you but i just can't. today isn't your fault, it's mine. i'm so stupid. so fucking stupid. i'm so glad i heard your voice though.

but deep down i know it was a lie, i knew it. but i just can't accept the fucking fact.

hi tmr cip merepek sia must wear long pants i dont want like nub ok.

that's all haha byebye.

2011-01-09T05:27:00.001-08:00

hi tmr sch. stress sia.

2011-01-08T00:25:00.000-08:00

Remember this? Remember when we were on the phone and you were playing piano, to this song. You asked me to guess what song is it when you yoursel forget. Me too. I find for it right after we put down the phone. But yeah.. that moment wasn't right for us and i don't know what the hell happened. So i didn't get a chance to tell you that i found out what's the song. I just realized this song sort of match with how i feel. How i feel and what i wanted to say, but the words just can't come out. Well honestly, i miss you but please don't come back. Really, don't. I miss you, i give up and i will forget you. And then i'll be able to move on. If we weren't meant to be, don't come back, okay? If you don't love me, at all, don't. Well, i'm not sure whether you exist or not either. But deep down i know, i love you. I wish i don't.

There's moi tmr, and i haven't do my slides. I'm soooo lazy D: Haish. Everyday must wake up early. Fuck sia. Today went to school to teach yishun sec people. Uhh, they're friendly and cute haha. Next week going to their school for cca day yay :) So exciting! Haha k bye i nothing to say

2011-01-07T04:43:00.000-08:00

Hi. School has been really tiring and busy nowadays. Tired to me uh. It's like, everytime I want to have an afternoon nap surely no time :( Cca day was okay today. Real hectic. Yesterday was Abit down cause didn't get the chance to perform fancy drill. But it is okay. So far we accumilated a number of 30+ sec 1s to consider for stjohn. Training was hell today as there's alot of hentak kaki's. My leg want fly already. Some yss students came to watch us and there's William sir too. Heh heh. Tomorrow I have to attend school to have the meeting with yss people for their cca day. Heard we're going to do drills for them. Hehe! I think onlining using iPod is better I online laptop also facebook/formspring also dead. Today's the last episode for breakout, sad. Then there's syurga cinta at 10.30 yessah! On Sunday I have to go hq to take my moi and Monday there's school again Ohmygod. Except that there's lessons! Yay it means I'm going to bring my new bag huhu. And CIP on Tuesday -_______- sumpah Merepek. Grr. Hei people flood my formspring with questions lah haish. I go then only get one question and it was a link -.- I expect something better ok. And I guess my tumblr's super dead lol. Okay it's going to be 9! Breakout is going to start in a few minutes.

2011-01-04T03:30:00.001-08:00

Hi. Today's the first day of school and it sucks alot. Mainly it's because I got caught for dyed hair. Cb. That mr Rudy lah -.- My form teacher never even say anything about it. Damn. Then, my class sucks alooot. So boring like hell! Lucky I have Jamie to accompany me. I'm sick since the past few days and I've never eaten even one medicine. Lol! Usin iPod to update cause no Internet, yeah :/ Study time Huhuhu. Flagcounter's really scaring me. Whenever I see US I feel like slapping myself. Oh yes, there's class outing tomorrow. Er. Class bonding? Somewhat like that. I really hope that my hair us acceptable alr, if I kena sent back I dunno what to say siol walau I kill myself. I really think that I'm such nuisance for my parents but at the same time they're hurting me too :( But it's okay cause I really deserve it anyway lol! My body's very warm and I don't know what to do. Friday's cca day, but it seems like... Sigh. Sunday I have to do my moi. Srsly fml. If only I can kill myself, I would. But the only thing i fear is God, really. Sigh :'( okay, I wanna go pray, bye!

2011-01-03T02:07:00.000-08:00

Hi, i can't accept the fact that school is starting from tomorrow onwards. And i altered my skirt earlier today and it's fucking short oh god. Today's rachel's birthday so yeah HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY RACHEL. Ohmygod i can't believe we're sixteen next year and sitting for O levels paper. Hehe, why must school reopen when i just started watching BOF, why!? ): I'm so addicted to BOF and watched it the whole day yesterday heh heh, so addictive lolz. People please formspring me i very lonely so bored that's why i go watch BOF. Heheheheh. Flagcounter's freaking me out but i really really want to know eventhough i say i won't care about all those stuffs anymore. Joel's back and i'm shoooo happy hehe! Okay, i shall go and continue my show. Hahaaaaaa, my phone's prepaid is expiring in another 2 more days. And i thought i don't want to top up. I really don't want because it will be sucha waste but i need to. Fuck my life fuck curfew fuck the rules annoying shit.

2011-01-03T01:12:00.000-08:00

PICTURES ARE FOR NUNU :D

HEHE.

2011-01-02T03:27:00.000-08:00

When i'm sad or down, or at the point of ending my life. I tell myself that there is always hope, even if i can't see it, there will be. It is because bad things always happens for a reason. It repeats because life is a cycle. I'd just hope i'll stay strong throughout this whole year. Even if i had to go through it without the people i love. I'll just stay strong, i promise myself.

You just don't know much it hurts to be constantly left by someone whom you loved so much, don't you?

Maybe it's because you're the one who always leaves, not them.

2011-01-01T08:45:00.000-08:00

<------- FORMSPRING ME. NAO.

it is so ohmygod dead lol pliiiiissss im sho bored

:'(

2010-12-31T21:29:00.000-08:00

It hurts when you expect too much.

Hiiiiiiii! It's the 1st January 2011! Hehe yey (: Went to ps earlier today and got lectured for 1h 30 mins. Oh my god, :'/ But i'm thankful this matter has been easier for me. I just hope i pass the whole thing and finally have this thing cleared. But for six months, hmm. I guess this helps, for me to concentrate on studies. I want to be a happy girl in 2011, please. Let 2010 things, stay in 2010. Life still needs to move on, right? So yeah, i'm going to move on, i need to move on. I just hope it would be easy for me. My sister's nagging like some retard -_- Oh and yes, i'm okay with angel now yippeeeeee and heard she's coming in Singapore, in two years time. I'm so excited! Two years time = 2013. Excluding this year. Currently uploading yesterday's pictures on fb. Over 300 photos, awesomeness. Went to banquet and ate. Then went to Yishun Safra to bowl. Me rachel and felly went the other way to explore safra but we got lost inside instead. Lol. The swimming pool looks fun i wanna go there someday! The rest bowled but me felly rachel didn't. Hehe. Aper felly? It takes two hand to clap? Abeh air tumpah :P After that went to Northpoint and watch ayie and afiq eat KFC. Then went to Marina Bay. Felly went real sad because something happened ): Walked around Marina Bay Sands. Then we see people ice-skate. Hahah sumpah kekek. Keep laughing non-stop. And i also made friends with this oe cute skater heheh! Atually she didn't skate, she 'walked' on the 'ice'. Her name's chinci :P From Phillipines. So cool lah her accent. Then around 7, we walked back. I stress alr k, cause mummy told me something. Alright, today's grandfather's birthday and cousin's gathering today yippeee! :) Bye.

Stop thinking that i care and worry for you, when i fucking don't. I hate you, okay? (: I fucking hate you, fucking liar. Move on with life, i'm happy on my own. Stop disturbing me, don't talk to me and get my hopes high, when you know you're the one who's going to crush it in the end. Everytime you talk to me, at the end of the conversation i die a little inside. I think it's better off we don't talk at all.

2010-12-30T06:13:00.000-08:00

OH I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAAAAR

Haha, hi! I just finished eating chicken which is like the only "meal" for the whole day. Went CWP earlier today to get the shoes i want but it's sold out! Damn it ): And Jie jie sir phoned me to come down to HQ on 9th jan, 9am. To take my MOI. I thought i'd escape, walau! LOL. But it's okay as long i don't have to talk to the WHOLE COURSE right. I rather have my MOI in front of Sir and Mdm's :P And mum and sis asked me if i dyed my hair. Ad i'm like, POKER FACE. Lol no, i kept denying and blamed the light above me auuuwwww poor light. ): Tomorrow bowling with bestfriends and other peeps. Sure it'd be fun! :) I begged my mother like crazy okay. Hehe, so i said i'm just going yishun so she agreed. And maybe going countdown at the night with cousins at woodlands! Yay. I'm also assigned to design the flyer for Sec 1's, hmm. I hope i'd make Mr Yiu happy! Heheh :D I'm so bored, thought i'd get a formspring question after i came back from cwp but no. Idk what to wear tomorrow but i'm so gonna wear my white striped shirt. I bought something cute for someone, :P Heh. I'm going to be a happy girl for 2011, i promise. I can't wait for tomorrow, woooo!

2010-12-29T18:05:00.000-08:00

Hello, i'm so bored. I don't know why i keep waking up at 9.30 every single day without fail even if i slept late or there's cca the day before. Lol, but i guess it's a good thing since school is starting. I honestly can't imagine myself being in 3D without my two bestfriend, felly and rachel. Eventhough there's alot of others whom i can be with in class, i still want to choose them. I'm pretty sure we'll not be as close as we are last time but i hope we'll remember each other. No more gossiping in class. No more taking pictures in class secretly. No more homeworks to do together with. I'll definitely miss both of you and 2D.

It's 11:08AM and sister is still in bed. I want to go swimming man, but it's cold! Hmm, tomorrow's 31st. Hmm, 5th. Hmm. I'm so bored lol idk what to blog about. Somebody formspring me! T.T

2010-12-28T08:33:00.001-08:00

one day you really have to let go because you realize you both were not meant to be and things just ain't right. i wish i could do this. but no, i'm just another girl who can be crushed so easily. i fucking hate myself. i suck. fucking suck.

i can't sleep. i have flag day tmr, oh and i need to wake up in 4 more hours. eyebags tomorrow? ha. no, swollen eyes tomorrow! k bye.

2010-12-28T02:12:00.000-08:00

One day you have to stop loving him, even if you don’t want to. And you know all this while it has been a lie and you feel so cheated. You feel so empty, you feel so broken, so weak. You let your emotions eat you up while waiting for someone just like him to come. But you realize he’s the only one you want, no one else.

I wish i could help myself to move on and get over this fucking lie, but i'm too weak. Wait, what if it isn't a lie? What if your story is "too good to be true". Lol, merepek sia shikin. Okay get over it. What felly told me about what "she" told her, really wakes up my mind. Okay, maybe i should talk all about this. I wonder who's being this mysterious anon on my fs now. I hope you read this, please tell me who you are! I'm like, making guesses on people, who. Okay nevermind. Lol. Tomorrow's flag day, yay! Hehe, so i'll be at CWP( i think?) going around like a retard with FULL-U. What the fuck. Ha. And sabrina is so stupid! Next year quit school? What the fuck girl so what you gonna do next? Be a malaysian kedai kopi cleaner? Lol. No seriously, it doesn't mean that you drop to acad your future stops there. And you get what you wanted, right? You always say pergi mampos blabla. -_- Wtf your future's so ruined :/ Okay next week is school! Less than a week...... Uh. I don't know what to talk about. K, bye.

2010-12-27T02:52:00.000-08:00

What if one day i realize the gift that i've made for you was all wasted because no one was the person i expected he is? Because all of this is a lie and i've been cheated for the past 3-4 years, being in love with you. What if? Ha, maybe i'm thinking too much but what if my what i'm thinking right now speaks the truth. But sometimes, i don't care because all i know is i love you. I love you with all my heart and i can't imagine how lonely i would be if you leave. Like really leave forever, like what you said before, when i'm 16 or 17 :( I wonder how much i would miss you. Hmm.

Okay it's 9pm and my show has started! Breakout yeah, bye.

2010-12-25T08:19:00.000-08:00

Merry christmas!

it's 12.20am on 26th dec lol i'm late by 20 minutes hehe! But it's okay.

I spent the whole day wishing all my followers merry christmas ;)

I'm so sad for rachel! Sheeesh, i hope she's alright now. If i could kill that someone, i would. And this makes me think about F. I realize i never did miss him. I hope this is going to stay even if he comes back. But still, i hope what i expected on my birthday would come true. Cheh. That is only if he still talks to me. I hope he would. I'll just treat him as my brotha, weet. Okay i'm going turn in right now. Uhm not really, i wanna go play bejeweled on iPod! Hehe, ok bb!

2010-12-22T19:57:00.000-08:00

I give up on the 20 day challenge k wth -.- So annoyign please LOL, must update blog everyday :/ So i turned my tumblr into a i-will-only-follow-back-if-i-want-to. Hehehe, today's a thursday and supposingly i'm supposed to go out and watch Tron but it's cancelled. Damn ): Hahaaaa i don't know what to blog about today........

I miss someday so much. So bloody much. I swear )':

Day 12 - the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

2010-12-21T04:40:00.000-08:00

i don't remember any. i don't let my haters bring me down.

hi today supposingly i go beach road buy my stjohn belt budden we lazy so we go clarke quay camwhore and bought stickys then we go amk. hehe felly cannot tag along cause she need jage nabeel then she jealous aiyoh. i miss someone very much.

day 11 - a deceased person you wish you could talk to

2010-12-21T04:39:00.000-08:00

my grandmother. i miss her.

day 10 - someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to

2010-12-18T23:49:00.000-08:00

juffri alvarez.

yes. he's leaving for america tomorrow(i think? because thats what he told me) and he haven't text me since yesterday morning i guess he's having fun with his friends at his crib. i wanted to talk to him so much before he leaves......... but he didn't do anything. and i'm definitely not gonna take the first move.

day 09 - someone you wish you could meet

2010-12-18T23:46:00.000-08:00

MY CYBER FRIENDS

day 08 - your favourite internet friend.

2010-12-16T06:03:00.000-08:00

Angel! Yes, she's my most favourite internet friend ever. We've known each other for 2 years, but got closer for already 1 year. And only fought once, how awesome is that? :) And there's alot of reason why she is my favourite. She's the one whom i can talk about my feelings to, openly. She's the one who always have the same situation as me, so we both understand each other. She's always there for me. And whenever i'm away she will talk to my msn, in other words, spamming me with offline messages. But i can't :( Because she won't receive. Haiya, stupid ebuddy. But then, i'm thankful i met a friend like her! Always there to listen to my problems :) Thank you very much and i love you. Ad i'm sure one day we'll not be cyber friends anymore. I can't wait to meet you, hohohoh.

I haven't update blog for 2 days so i did the previous day challenge a fast one. Hahaha and the topic like so wth lol :p I feel so happy today and i feel so bad huahuahua these days i'm the one who always ends the conversation yessa shikin strong girl. Hehehehehehehehe. Sho bad ah shikin!?!?!?! And today i went to watch narnia with siblings. Was okay! And then ate banquet with mama. Rachel made me laugh alot please. LOL. I eat toe nails errrrday! Hehehehe. Ok kalau orang tu nampak mampus ok lol. Ok lah bye :)

day 07 - your ex boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush.

2010-12-16T06:00:00.001-08:00

EX CRUSH. HAHA. MR. A. K BAI.

day 06 - a stranger.

2010-12-13T20:34:00.000-08:00

Is he considered a stranger? I don't even know his name and i found him on Tumblr. He's sucha cutie. Heheh :p

Hello fuck my life. Why are boys so....... what the fuck man. Okay whatever. My first love is going to be the last. Hehe. Mark my words okie! And going swimming later, but it looks like it's going to rain. Please don't rain! :'/ Yay, finally meeting cousins. Hahaha :) And wow, i have training on Monday Wednesday Tuesday which is like so awesome not. Cause we'll be doing more on first aid. But it seems like we're training footdrills more! Har har har.

Okay i'm so bored right now. 2 more hours i guess! Whippieee. :D

day 05 - my dreams.

2010-12-13T03:31:00.000-08:00

My dream is to go New York City with my 2 bestfriends. It'd surely be fun :-) And yes of course before that, studies. I feel like going nafa? lol. Because i'm more to art. Heehee, idk leh see first. I have alot of dreams. But one of them is to travel to New York. And i wish i would become an artist when i'm older? lol. Or maybe an art teacher, that would be awesome. But well, i don't know. Things are harder than they look.

had comp training just now. i didn't know first aid sucks so much. cannot do this and that, must do properly also. lol like wadahell duuuuude. footdrills was the awesomest. had drill for 5 hours? lol ;p i'm the timer, yay? hahah. i projected my voice so i guess, it is ok. jamie was the commander! woah i'm so proud of you baby. she's so loud i tell you. hmm. anyway. okay nvm. bye!

day 04 - your siblings.

2010-12-11T23:37:00.000-08:00

Those two annoying people on the right. Are my siblings, yes :-) They annoy the shit outta me sometimes. Wait, not sometimes. All the freaking time, oh god. But yes, i still love them. Deep down, i still love them. They're my blood (: Noone else can hurt my siblings except for me lol ;p I know i hurt them sometimes, like alot. I'm very selfish you see and i'm mean i scream and shout whenever i want hee hee. But i'm thankful i had them as my siblings. Very patient. With me of course. Haha welllll, i just wanna say i love them okay! Yay.

Hello so what i did today is wake up at 12 and eat maggi as my brunch and online the whole day, till now. Currently chatting with dearest felly. I miss going out with felly and rachel, big sigh. But now, it's so hard. Damn :/ Fuck my life. I'm so thirsty.

day 03 - your parents.

2010-12-11T06:26:00.000-08:00

I love them. Alot :-) Although they hurt me and go against my needs all the freaking time i know what their expectations are of me. I know that all of the things they do are right, a sign from Allah, for me to lead a wonderful life so i can't abide them. I can say they unreasonable at time but i think that's what best for me. I know what they're going thru so i support them. It's okay if i don't get what i wanted, because i know they've done the best they could for me. I'm thankful i got this kind of parents, and i know i'll succeed in life because of them. I just, love my mother much more, than my dad ;) Hah. K bye.

Halo i iz currently at grandfather's house at bedok, it's 10.47pm and we still haven't go back! i think we're gonna run for the last train like the other day lol xP Anyway i'm really really really worried for the both of them right now :/ Haedil please come home and save your brothers okay. I'm like seriously damn worried. God. Please save both of them. I'm so tired right now, i want to go back home. And die. Oops, no. I mean sleep. I'm proud to announce that i've went thru this year's anco course. And i really hope that i will pass. I think i failed both my moi. God. And during my pic period, mdm even asked what my name is :/ I think they're so gonna fail me. Lol. Ok shuddup shikin -.- I can't wait for monday! Hohoho. Eventhough it's lecture on first aid i can't wait for footdrill pactrice that we're gonna conduct on our own! Hohoho, yessa. LOL. Okay. Now i'm worried. Is haedil found? I hope he's found on 11:11. 7 more minutes. Lol. Okay. I hope, everything's okay in their family. Okay bye :)

day 02 - your crush.

2010-12-09T20:50:00.000-08:00

i don't know if i have any crush. lol. but i'm like so into someone and it's kinda complicated and i think this isn't considered as a crush. ha ha ha. so let's just take it as, i have no crush :-)

i'm so boreddddd right now and i think i'm meeting erra later to take my belt. so what i did today was play with photoshop and then i'm bored right now. angel's dead in msn right now, wonder where she went to O: i'm so bored :( and i'm waiting for either my phone to vibrate or someone to online. brrrrrr. haha k bye.

day 01, your bestfriend.

2010-12-09T07:05:00.000-08:00

Rachel and Felly.

This two annoying bitches here is the only two person i love the most and always stand a place in my heart. Eventhough we fight, and even if you both hurt me alot of times. I'll still love you both. Thanks for being there for me when i need both of you and thanks alot, yes alot, for not giving up on me. I know i'm very very very sensitive but yes that's what i am. I push people away when i needed them the most. Thanks for holding on. Thanks for being the people i need when there's nobody else left. Thanks for still being together even after that incident. Thanks for being patient with me all the time. Thanks for understanding me when nobody else does. Thanks for everything. You both are like eclipse. Appear very rarely in a human's life. And i'm the lucky human to get to know both of you :-)

Angel.

Best, most treasured cyber friend ever. Eventhough, she's just cyber. She understands everything and i can tell her everything. She and the other two above, 4 of us can make one clan. Hahaha :) This girl here, always experience the same thing as me and it seems like she's the only one i can contradict my life with. She knows my pain and i know hers. She's online 24/7, me too, i think lol. So she's there whenever i need her. I hope it same goes to her. Angel. I'm sorry if i hurt you or whatever, or i'm not there for you whenever you need me. All i wanna say is i'm thankful i met someone like you. Someone whom i could share my problems with without hesitation. I'm really glad i met you, even though it's through cyber. Still, i get to know and talk to you. When we're big i shall bring my 2 bestfriends meet you and we can become one big family :D Hehehe.

Okay, day 01 complete. It's still 11:24pm on a thursday. Not too late huh? :) I'll spend tomorrow to study. Two more days and it's the last day of the 19th nco course! Sad eh ): Will miss my hotel platoon very much. Okay wadeva still can meet them in the future haha.

So today, at first i was sad. Then i was happy. And now i was sad again. Even though it's not the person i expected it to be, still. I sense something good. Like really something good. Some people might think i'm crazy but for now you know what? I'm only trusting myself. Yes my ownself. Which means i only listen to myself. Not other people. Ok? Haha ok bye.

30 day challenge.

2010-12-08T07:43:00.000-08:00

Day 1 - your best friend.

Day 2 - your crush.

Day 3 - your parents.

Day 4 - your sibling.

Day 5 - your dreams.

Day 6 - a stranger.

Day 7 - your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush.

Day 8 - your favorite internet friend.

Day 9 - someone you wish you could meet.

Day 10 - someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to.

Day 11 - a deceased person you wish you could talk to.

Day 12 - the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain.

Day 13 - someone you wish could forgive you.

Day 14 - someone you’ve drifted away from.

Day 15 - the person you miss the most.

Day 16 - someone that’s not in your state/country.

Day 17 - someone from your childhood.

Day 18 - the person that you wish you could be.

Day 19 - someone that pesters your mind—good or bad.

Day 20 - the one that broke your heart the hardest.

Day 21 - someone you judged by their first impression.

Day 22 - someone you want to give a second chance to.

Day 23 - the last person you kissed.

Day 24 - the person that gave you your favorite memory.

Day 25 - the person you know that is going through the worst of times.

Day 26 - the last person you made a pinky promise to.

Day 27 - the friendliest person you knew for only one day.

Day 28 - someone that changed your life.

Day 29 - the person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to.

Day 30 - your reflection in the mirror.

i'm going to do this.

starting from tomorrow.

lol ;p

come back.

2010-12-07T00:33:00.000-08:00

"Please don't be in love with someone else,

please don't have somebody waiting on you."

and this whole cycle repeats.

Don't give a fuck

2010-12-05T23:05:00.000-08:00

You know what happens when i'm trying to be happy, and i am already. Things just go wrong and it brings me down. The insecurities hunt me back down and eat myself up. Nothing let me to be happy, nothing happy lets me be. You know what, i think i can never be happy all my life. Even if i can, i don't know how. Everything hurts so much, why is the world so unfair?

Hi. I'm back from anco camp. It's fun. Bye.

2010-12-02T07:38:00.001-08:00

MIA FOR FOUR DAYS! TILL MONDAY :-)

NCO CAMP, WISH ME LUCK.

Happy.

2010-11-30T05:14:00.000-08:00

Hello there readers. :-) I wonder if there is still any, haha lol but nevermind. I think i'm feeling better right now. Thanks to people who cheered me up. Me love you people. I must thank Joel for making me laugh earlier today just now. HAHAHA, nicole337! So today i stayed at home the whole day. And i don't understand why must i wake up early even if i slept late, and even after i got back from holiday? I wonder if this habit is going to continue after camp. Hope not. So camp is on Friday and i really really really hope Hui Ying Mdm would send me the list by tomorrow. Hope it would be a FUN one. I'm going to meet Rachel tomorrow, having her accompanying me to buy a bag :D I no big bags, boohoo. Yes okay. Do formspring me if you still read my blog, please! :)

Do you?

2010-11-29T07:28:00.000-08:00

fuck this goddamn world.......................... -.-

i have this problem. i'm jealous of humans. and you were like what you jealous of yourself lul? i'm jealous of humans which is so close to perfect. girls who have skinny legs. attention from people, even from the slightest things. perfect hair. well all the things, that i don't have. i'm jealous of people who have happy relationships, and i'm also jealous of people who are happy singles. i'm jealous of people who's rich, and got the money whenever they ask for it. jealous of the people who has so much freedom. jealous of the people who gets all the attention, even for the slightest things. jealous of the people, who everybody knew. in other words, famous.

none of us lives are perfect. yes, i do understand that but why does everyone i see is so close to perfect. i'm jealous of them being happy. i'm jealous of them putting a smile. be it a fake one. they just can. i'm jealous of people, who can do things without being afraid of it. i'm jealous of people who can get along well with other people. unfortunately i'm not that type of person. and that's why, i HATE myself. i HATE myself for being such an anti social bitch. i depend on people. sigh.

and you know what my whole point of saying this? most people in my school dont even know i existed. they don't even care. they don't even bother. i only have my closed ones. that hurts alot, you see? i wonder why, WHY some PRETTY girls go emo and say nobody cared. fuck you there's a whole bunch of guys and girls(?) who's infront of you and is there for you even for the slightest things. can't you fucking see?

let me tell you i'm jealous of whoever is reading this.

i'm jealous of the whole world.

which is why. right now. i hate myself. i never loved.

i already did.

2010-11-28T00:41:00.000-08:00

i am unhappy. i feel like crying any minute. i'm killing myself slowly inside.

the people whom i want them to notice, doesn't.

well, nobody did.

enough/

2010-11-23T23:01:00.000-08:00

it's destroying me. i'm becoming crazy. i hate the world. oh, no. im jealous of the world. but im not making any effort towards it. call me emo, or whatever shit you wanna call me. i'm sad. i'm fuckin sad. people ask if i'm okay. do i look like i'm okay? do i? so why did you ask. my hand fuckin hurt. hurt alot. i hate this. i hate life. i hate me. why must it always be me? odd one. stupid one. clumsy one. what is this? and people are just making me feel worst. stop telling me lies. because i myself know how i look like form another person's point of view. i know. i hate the mirror. i hate everything. i'm dying can't you see. and it hurts how you realize the one who care for you all the time, stalks you. seeing what you tweet. doesn't care about you anymore. i tried my best to get your attention. but i failed. everynight i cry. because i miss you so much. even though i already know, it wouldn't change anything. fuck my life. seriously fuck it. i hate the world.

fuck my life

2010-11-23T00:49:00.001-08:00

Things will never get better. Everything is falling apart. What's worst, nobody is noticing. I hate my fucking life, i hate my fucking self. I hate everything around me. If i could, i really wanted to die. I don't want to live anymore, i'm sick and tired of all this shit around me. I hate my fucking life. I could tell you a thousand reason why i should die. Only 2 to live. Family, and art. Yes. You can never imagine how my condition is like. I hate everyone. Nothing is getting better, stop saying it will. Because in my life, it doesn't. In fact it's getting worse. I can't face people, i can't. I hate the world. I fucking hate everyone. I don't care what you gonna say, fuck you.

why me?

2010-11-21T03:48:00.000-08:00

I lost myself somewhere and i'm trying to get it back. But people wouldn't want to help me, they won't let me. They hate me. They like to see me die quietly. They like to hurt me and always disagree with me. They won't talk to me. They control me. They hate me. And i'm trying to live with it. I'm trying to be ignorant here, ignorant to this world. I'm trying to not care about my insecurities but it's too strong. I can't do this alone, so why won't you help me?

Yes, i must.

2010-11-20T04:24:00.000-08:00

I'm only happy around my friends. I tried to stay strong as possible infront of everybody, but i can't. I'm extremely tired already, with life. And i'm only strong with my friends around. Inside, i'm dying. I'm hurting. I'm stabbing myself. I've failed in life, i really did. I hate everything about myself. Everything, yes. Am not attention seeking or whatever, i'm not trying to get attention from ppl because i know. Nobody or less people read my blog. It's okay. This is how i feel and i hope the whole world knows. I hope the world would be able to understand me. I wish my parents, friends, everybody i know would understand what i'm going through. Now i'm finding someone who's in the same boat as me. I've got a lot of reasons to be sad and some of them is never shared by anyone. Don't blame me for being sad over little things. But yes, i hate my insecurities. They're eating me up. Now i need a hug, i just need one =(

LOL FUCK U

2010-11-19T02:32:00.000-08:00

JDNBFAAJDBSAKHASBFHSAK I AM SO STRESSEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD URGHHHHHH I NO POWERPOINT LA CCB THEN I HAVE TO USE MY SISTER'S LAPTOP AND THEN?! FUCK, MAYBE I'LL DO IT LATER BUT STILL I'M SO STRESS OMG AND I HOPE I CAN COMPLETE MY BF FORM BY TMR MORNINGGGGGGGG LIKE SERIOUSLY OMG THIS IS KILLING ME OMG IM SO STRESS AND TGH MENGAMOK SENDIRI NI ISH I THINK I HAVING PMS LOL BUT NO IM NOT HAVING MY PERIOD GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR AND FUCK MY LIFE LA FUCK LOVE FUCK EVERYBODY IN THIS WORLD I WANT TO DAI DAAAAAAAAAAIIIII AND POOF FROM THIS WORLD CAN ANOT SHEEEESSSSSH I SO STRESS LA I FEEL LIKE JUMPING DOWN CAN?! CAN ANOT?! -.- IDIOT. FUCK THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME SAD. OH CORRECTION, FUCK THE PERSON WHO MADE ME SAD. AND THEN HAPPY. AND THEN SAD AGAIN. THIS. IS. RANTING. OKAY. SO YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO CONTROL WHAT IM TYPING. BECAUSE I'M LIKE SAD + ANGRY + ANGRY + SAD + CRAZY PLS SEND ME TO MENTAL HOSPITAL PLEASE I DUN WAN TO LIVE WITH SANE PEOPLE ANYMORE THEY'RE KILLING ME. AHHHHHHHHH IM SO STRESSED I COMPLETED NONE OF MY NCO HOMEWORK OK AND TMR I HOPE WE CAN FINISH ALL OF IT GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR THEN LTR MUST DO POWERPOINT KIMAK MENYUSAHKAN HIDOP AKU PE ALAMAK. NAK NAEK SARGEANT PUN SUSAH -.- SHEESHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ISH STRESS SIA CB. FUCK LA NABEI

:(

2010-11-18T06:16:00.000-08:00

Okay so, went to Somerset today with cousins heh heh very fun. When we reach there, bought tickets, then when to Scape and slack and take pictures. Then went to Burger King for lunch. Aft that went to scape againa nd look at the stuffs. Omg i want a polaroid(is this how you spell it?) camera. It's so kewwwwt! But it's a bit of wasted lol. Okay anywaaaay, at 2.30 we went to buy popcorns and enter the cinema. We were so noisy lol. Got one guy so crazy go sit the most front row alone summore hehe boi loner sia. Okay so the show was really great. And it was my first time watching harry potter lol o_o Stupid ikr. But it's okay it's okay at least i watch one right hehe! After that, we walked like idk how many miles lah walau so tired. It's like from somerset to orchard then back to somerset then idk! Wanted to find Far East but we're like lost lol. So decided to go back home, feeling very tired! Okay that's all.

Lol it's my first time going here and when i saw 313 the first thing that came into my mind was you. Because you're the one who mentioned this place all the time but i don't know what is it. I'm so glad i finally saw this place, i know you'll be like omg you're extremely stupid or smt if you read this but yeah... :/ And then all the thoughts about you came up my mind. It really disturbed me alot. I can be happy with my cousins and all but really, i am not. I keep thinking about you, and then i'll start missing you. Very much. Very much that it hurts me alot. And if what someone said is really true, i hope you'd talk to me or smt................ Okay nvm maybe that's just another miracle waiting to happen. I just wanna tell you that i miss you, i even.. well not really cry but all the time, everynight, when i think of you water start flowing out of my eyes. It's not really alot, just one drip. But it's still, tears. I never thought about someone this long. I don't know how i can get over this. I'm still wondering how i can do this. Alone. Look it's 11:11PM, i really wish you could text me tonight.... Okay whatever that's impossible. Idk why i'm typing this thing longer than my post grr -.- Haha readers pls dun sebok oke unless u knw who is it then shut up. Bye.

i miss you J.A :(

2010-11-17T07:45:00.000-08:00

I do love you. Don't you see? Don't you understand? You're the love of my life. I can't leave you. But you're constantly leaving me. You walk away when you want, you come back when you want. Not everyone, not your friends, but you leave me. So, I'm asking you, if you don't see a future with us. Please just end it because I'm in it. Put me out of my misery.

helo i miss you i can't help it :(
haish, please come back soon and talk to me again.
i really miss you. idk if you do too.
but i need you now.

Yes.

2010-11-15T23:48:00.000-08:00

Hello i am bored. Currently i feel like fucking the police. Hehe.

Guhhhhh i'm so bored lah it's raining kdnfjdfanajf!!! Tomorrow i'm going to do my hair hehe, i feel like curling my hair :( Okay see first. Now i no prepaid already waaaaaah sian! And i miss somebody like alot sia, hai. Nobody formspring me, hmph! Okay tomorrow Hari Raya Haji also yay! But nothing interesting about it though.. I need to do my MOI first aid presentation. Shit shit -.- Fuck this shit la ishhhh torture us already still want us make presentation :C Haaaaaaai now i'm bored ttm lah pffftttt and this joel aiyo nvr reply, say want call now don't know D: Sheeeeesh, and i haven't eat my lunch haha yay now sister making tuna bread for me! So now i'm waiting for Angelica to come back alive she don't know go where luh aiyooooooo!!! I'm so bored i can die any minute................ pewpewpew

Stfu.

2010-11-14T22:11:00.000-08:00

You people just don't know.

Stop blaming me.

Goodbye.

2010-11-11T21:08:00.000-08:00

I'm letting you go because i don't want this thing to be going on because i have so many doubts about you. I want something real, something like this. If i have so many questions to ask you and i'm afraid if i'd ask you, you'll get mad, then there's no point. It clearly shows you don't trust me, you can't share everything. I just want something real, something worth waiting and fighting for. And also, you don't know me. You've never seen me either. I don't want to set my hopes high and i'm afraid all of it will be crushed down when you finally did. I don't want. Therefore now, i'm letting you go and i hope you would too. I hope you would help me by not texting me. But yeah, when i finally move on you can, just remain as friends. That's what i just wanted. And please don't label me as your "ex" because we were never together. I think this is a great time since you're leaving for a couple of months. I hope i could do this because it has been a year or more. ♥ Ü

don't feel right

2010-11-08T01:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I don't feel right. Sometimes feel like i'm being despised by everybody. Sometimes when i wanna be myself, people just don't let me be. Sometimes i feel like people are controlling my life. Sometimes i wanna die, but i just keep it to myself. I always keep things to myself. I don't like sharing, i only share when i feel like. Otherwise, nobody can force me. I feel like i'm keeping things inside me too long, till it's eating my inner side up. Sometimes i feel like i'm being too nice till everybody is depending on me about their life. I don't want to burden everyone, i want to make everyone happy. I want to be there for them, anybody, who needs someone to talk to. I want to be there for them, i don't like seeing people sad. I want to help them. But at the same time, i need somebody too. Somebody who has never hurt me.

Alone

2010-11-06T22:39:00.000-07:00

Fuck my life, fuck everybody too

your love is one of a kind

2010-11-06T05:23:00.000-07:00

Hi! I'm so tired. Sooo, i spent my Saturday at Bukit Merah doing nco course. It was really tiring man. My group's name hotel and i'm with Muhammad(for the same school). My group's so small man! Grr. But my PC is so pretty :-) ! Hehe. I'm just a happy girl. I feel so lucky eventho this is kinda virtual. But this just makes me so happy :-))))) Hahaha k i bet you people think i'm crazy. Tomorrow i'm gonna go Orchard with dearest mummy to shop i guess. I wanna buy bras 8-) HAHA LOL. I wonder who reads my blog. Hmm, i feel like i'm posting this for nobody haha. Please formspring me if you still read :<>

hi i want u to know that you're special. i never stopped loving you and you never once left my mind. you make my stomach filled with butterflies and make me go tongue tied. i hope you realize that no matter how long you ignore me you will still come back to me. i'm happy with that. i love you and i'll always do :-)

Wonder.

2010-11-04T01:31:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why you keep coming back and forth in my life? First you were there and then you were gone. And then suddenly you came back and leave, again. Do i really look like a toy for you? You win my heart and then leave me heartbroken. What the hell do you want from me, coming back to my life, when you've eyed-another-girl-for-a-very-long-time. I don't know what you want, seriously. So could you please tell me? If you're treating me as a bestfriend, you could at least tell me. And bestfriends don't talk like how you did to me, well last time. But now, why are you still trying to start up a conversation when you know i've been hurt. By you, isn't it obvious? I wanna know why you keep entering and leaving my life. If you have no intention on staying and breaking my heart, leave. Forever.

Regret.

2010-11-03T23:23:00.000-07:00

Shikin has to know this isn't the end even though it stays by her forever. Shikin musn't give up in life and stay strong. Shikin must pray that everything will be okay and she will be free. Shikin hopes this wouldn't affect her family's holiday to Malaysia. Shikin will never do it again, shikin promise. Shikin is really guilty. Shikin is sad, shikin is feeling miserable. Shikin loves her parents alot. Shikin don't want to disappoint them anymore. Shikin luv mummy and daddy alot. Shikin wants one last final chance and prove to others she can be a better someone. Shikin hates herself. But shikin musn't give up, shikin must continue to strive on. Everything's gonna be alright, shikin. Stay strong.

Okay.

2010-11-02T17:44:00.000-07:00

Maybe i'm just too good at pretending :-)

Hiya morning lovelies! It's 8.53AM and i'm here blogging. I'm going to bathe in another 7 more minutes! There's maths extra class later on. )-: Sad huh? But nevermind, it's good for me! Hehe. I'm gonna get some bras and dye later on! ^.^ Grr, this time i've bought dye for the third time, i guess? Haha! Shall use it longer this time :-) Short post this time! Sorry! I wonder if i still got readers, hmmm. Formspring me pls? www.formspring.me/shikinshygirl THANKS :)

Truth is, your still playing in my mind.

okay?

2010-10-31T00:39:00.000-07:00

Geez.

2010-10-29T22:40:00.000-07:00

Yes i do, alot.

Today's a Saturday. As usual, stay-at-home day. I'm so bored right now. Has been reblogging stuffs from weheartit until they say i'm left with 25% of uploading photos, heh heh :b I'm just so bored right now, there's nothing to do. A few pages till my book is finished! And i've not been doodling/drawing for days. So maybe i'll do it later! And maybe i shall do some revision, hehehe. Good right? But nawuuhhh, actions speaks louder than words. :P Okay wait, Saeeda ask me to take a picture with my hair flying all around LOL. See first if i do it today......... Hehehe. K so i'm bored, i still am ._. Mummy's cooking something. I'm still boredddddd, grr. Okay i shall go weheartit then. Goodbye!

Yer wassup.

2010-10-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

Went to catch Child's Eye earlier today. Was okay-okay. Abit scary and touching. It's 12.04am and i'm feeling tired right now, imma go sleep soon. Goodbye.

Why you do this to me?

2010-10-27T04:09:00.000-07:00

I'm so fucking glad i got promoted to 3 express next year, i'm so thankful. But at the same time i'm really sad because alot of my bestfriends went down to NA. Don't wanna mention their names here. Here's a little note to them :

This isn't the end of the world, or your life. And don't ever try to end it. There's still a chance for your future just that you had to go the longer route. But it's okay, it's really okay! I know that you people will make it to Poly and start a future. This is not the end yet, please remember that. Lastly, i love you people. And i'm so gonna miss you people next year. :-(

So yes, it's not the end! :-) Nooooow, i'm so confused if i want to take POA or not. Grrr, mummy says it's useless. While Rachel wants to take POA. Aaaaaah ): Okay now. I cannot find my combination form -_- Mummy said she kept it for me but she don't know where. I've seen it somewhere.... but where ah?!?!?! OMG if i cannot find it by today i'm so gonna kill myself. Bye.

Hehe :P

2010-10-26T03:49:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow's report-book day and i have a strong feeling my parents might need to come down and meet both Mr Rohan & Mr Choh. I'll just pray hard that i won't drop to NA or else i'll be transferred to Canberra which i don't want because i can't bare to leave my bestfriends! D: Dear God, please give me a final chance and i'll prove to you i'll study reaaaaal hard next year. Please )-: Anyway, heard that Paul the Psychic Octopus died! R.I.P yer sotong :( It's 7.05pm and i'm feeling sleeeeepy already. I almost ditch school today because i was so sleepy and mami said okay but then i thought again and changed my mind, hehehehe. I can't get in Tumblr and i'll try restarting my browser after this post! Eh ya, daddy said he dream something about me and he telling me to be careful an stuff in a rude manner D: It was only a dream right, tsk! Hahaha my phone is so silent nowadays i feel so boriiiiiiiing except that i have my bestfriends to finish my prepaid on. Baguuuuuuus like this otp everyday 1 week $100 top-up gone kay, hahaha. :P I hope i can overnight during class chalet like really! And i wish i can get a DSLR before the chalet, like pleaseeeee oh my god ): Heh heh heh, how's my new skin. Looks original isn't it :b I guess blogger's skin is much more better(well to me). Hehehe, okay i shall restart my browser now, i miss Tumblr already!

let's fly.

2010-10-22T23:12:00.000-07:00

but then now you ignore me again -_____-

& then the whole cycle repeats '_'

today is such a boring day at home except for some things that made me angry :b but i'm cool, i'm cool. hahaha. so much for making things better, tengok lah apa dah jadi sekarang. ye la, sume kau betol k!!!! kau menang!!! :-) now i'm very lazy to meet erra and take my form about this sunday's walkathon ok what the hell is that i have no idea. i'm so bored right now. )-: bye.

Mother.

2010-10-22T06:05:00.000-07:00

I have a mother. She doesn't understand me.

At all.

Rain rain come today, make the haze go away ):

2010-10-22T00:10:00.000-07:00

You turn my beautiful dream into a nightmare.

I'm disappointed with my results, yes, disappointed. The first paper i got was Geography followed by Chemistry. I got horrible marks for both papers but i'm cool with it, because i know i did my best in both of that subject. I never passed science, never ever. Well for Geography, i did studied but it turned out to be like this. Oh well, why would i care, i'm taking history next year. English was next and the marks were horrible. I failed every part of it. I just couldn't believe it okay. How could i failed English. Fuck summary and also comprehension. Comprehension marks were really horrible. After that i had no mood to check my overall marks for the papers after that. And i'm really upset with my Malay p2. 29.5/70? What the fuck is this, shikin. Well, i'm not interested in the results i got this time, all it matters now is my overall marks. Would i be able to make it for Sec 3? If i can't i'm going to kill myself. And if i drop, i don't know what to say anymore. I just hope i'll pass english for the overall, please )-:

Okay shall stop rambling about results. Shikin soooo emo hahaha -_- Okay so nowadays i've been rotting at home. This whole week attended school 1 out of 3 days only :b Heh heh heh. Someone just called me.

Him: "Did you attend school today?"

Me: "No"

Him: "Did you attend cca today?"

Me: "Obviously not."

Him: "Okay then you must provide a parents letter. Thank you very much."

Me: "K bye."

Haha so dumbbbb. It doesn't even sound like Mr Yiu or Sir Nasiruddin or whoever in my CCA. How weird. So tomorrow i'm going out like finally to watch movie. Hmm, child's eye maybe? Or EatPrayLove. Or maybe cerita keling dohh. Hahahaha. Okay so i am a happy girl cause someone is back in my life. :-) And i know that even he ignores me for a very long time he'll come back to me on fine day. This is why. I can't move on, last time. I guess. Heee. Okay so. I'm done now, bye.

Bila cinta kini tak lagi bermakna.

2010-10-20T00:23:00.000-07:00

Hello today is a wednesday and Tumblr turned purple and i'm rotting at home just like yesterday. Tomorrow's the realease of results (well not really) Just that we get back our papers to check. I spent the whole day to watch Lagenda Budak Setan and realized that i watched the wrong one, fml -.- I watched the episode one, urgh. So now i'm going to watch the movie one hehe. Okay bbye. I think nobody reads my blog anymore.. HAHA LOL. K -_-

I want to fucking die right this minute.

2010-10-19T04:36:00.000-07:00

First brother, i made him cry. Second sister, i made her angry. Third mother, idk what did i do.

Everybody's so pissed at me, and of course the other way round too. I've no other place to express. Idk why i'm so aggressive today. I'm sorry but every small thing people do makes me angry. I'm so fucking angry, so fucking pissed at everyone in this world. I wanna jump off the building right this fucking minute. The tears in my eyes can't seem to stop. I fucking hate my life. I fucking hate everyone in my life. I fucking hate them. I mean it okay? Don't tell me to say "Oh, then me? You hate me too?" Don't you dare ask me that because when i say everyone, yes everyone on this earth. Fuck life, fuck everything. I wish i could go to bed and cry right now but i can't. Sister's there and i don't want to face her. Just now was the first ever time i scolded her vulgar directly. After the fight, mum came back and made me angry, again. Not locking the door is my fault, huh? I didn't even hold the keys today, i didn't even go out. I stayed at home so be thankful. I just wanted a happy family, i just wanted a happy family who will accept me for who i am. )': Tell me what i should do now, i can't stop crying. After month of not crying, i finally let it out. I thought i was living a great life, but today totally turned everything upside down. I want to fucking die.

Goodness.

2010-10-15T02:46:00.000-07:00

I want this shoes so fucking bad, for school. Is it okay? Cute right? I'm scared it wouldn't be worth it. Oh and i want the red one too. :/

Hiiiiiiii so the whole today all i do is to rot at home hahaha the reason is i'm lazy to go out. Rachel and felly and felly sister went out to shop, grr jealous but really i lazy hehe. Sooooo today i gained alot of followers hehe i'm so happy! I cannot imagine school holidays. Rot at home infront of laptop tumblr facebook tumblr facebook? Wow so boring :/ Tsk, i wish i could go out everyday. I never asked any money also, so why can't i. Sigh sigh. Well i hope this time can uh, haha. December i'm so gonna be free. Yay. Okay my closet is seriously flooding and my mum doesn't know about it. Lol. I wanna buy more tees. There's some wedding i need ot help out tomorrow, so yeah ok byebye :D

2010-10-14T03:42:00.000-07:00

Shikin dapat kiss sey :-*

Since today's still an exam day for upper sec, and exam's are over for us sec 2. There's no school for us :-) Tmr also hehe best nyer. So, went out with bestfriends just now. Fucking superrrr my god. Firstly went to eat at Mac. When we wanna go it's super troublesome due to Felly. Hahaha k shh. Took 962 to Sembawang and shuttle bus to SSC. Went there and ate the burger we can't manage to eat at Cwp. Haha go the splash park gym there just to eat burger, pathetic right -.- Then after that went cotton on, shop abit and bought this really nice bag my god so nice. And we shop and shop. After that took bus back to CWP and went cotton on and shop again ahahah gila right. This time we bought alot like alot i guess we spend around 200 bucks or something. Then after that went toilet and rearrange the clothes cause too many already hahaha. Then go back home i think? Haha lazy to elaborate. Tmr no school i want go out but scared cannot tsk -.-

Anyway i feel like killing boys except for some. I find them really annoying. They think girls are like clothes, pick, use it for a day and change. Yes i admit that i haven't experience this kind of things before. But i can see it. The reason i can see it because i never experience them before :/ Tsk, forget it. I just wanna kill them. :/

Oh yes, bata shoe bata shoe. 19 bucks only. Fuck yes im soooo gonna buy it this time.

Romeo & Juliet.

2010-09-23T06:38:00.000-07:00

I'm living an awesome life with awesome people.

End of year is in like 1-2 weeks time and oral is just next week what the fuck shall get active after i finished my EOY, kkk bye! :-)

Universal Studios.

2010-09-17T07:07:00.000-07:00

Hi. Ytd we went to Universal Studios. Damn fun. Kthxbye.

YO

2010-09-09T01:21:00.000-07:00

Before

After

Walauuuuu i go cut my fringe walauuu i'm so gonna look ugly on raya this year walauuuuuuuu!!! )-: Today i hope i go Geylang k. And i haven't touch any of my homeworks. Die k. Yes, 2h 30+mins more. Yes yes yes! And i hope i get to meet someone today hehehe :-P But my ugly fringe walauuuuu ugly walauuuuuu. K la bye.

We gotta fight for this love.

2010-09-08T05:22:00.000-07:00

Wazzzzuuuupppp! Geography lesson was okay-okay. Mdm Lenny's words touch my heart, really! She's so kind (-: She can be my part-time mother LOL. Was told to go for First Aid, cause got test! Walauuuuuuu it's so fucking boring and i kept closing my eyes omg i cannot tahan i tell you! And i tihnk i'm gonna fail the test hahaha really. The method i go put "Trolley" HAHAH i dont know what the hell i was thinking :-P I'm so happy right now because someone text me hehe. If tmr Geylang plan is cancelled i'm so gonna kill me family hmph! I haven't complete my holiday homework, wah die! Confirm die okay hehehe. I'm so happy right now. I'm. So. Happy. Hehe! Bye.

fdgfsgsdgs

2010-09-07T06:15:00.000-07:00

I miss you alot, really. Like alot alot.

Hi today was fun fun fun. Went to library to study but couldn't find any places to study so yeah we don't feel like studying alr so don't study ah hahaha. Went Chamelon and buy things. HEHE my bangles soooooo nice. :3 Then took bus to Sembawang cause we wanted to go Aries. Bought things. Smt happened, was really scared ok. Then went up to library. Used computer and blablabla. Aft that went to macdonalds and "studied" then buka hehe then went back home. Byebyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. OMG you! :-O

wazzup.

2010-09-06T07:38:00.000-07:00

Yoyoyoyo! Sup :) Had a great today with bestfriends. Our Geography project turned out to be so called outing. We explored facebook and webcammed using my laptop. Rachel did the project, finding information and stuffs. HEHE many things happened which unfortunately i couldn't remember. If Joel could make it to CWP i could have saw him already ): Okay so, today i fought with the same person like again hahaha idiot who ask him talk to me. But honestly, i miss you. Ok whatever. Anyway someone said something to me which corrupts my respiratory system lol. Really i cannot breathe. I don't know if i should believe, now i couldn't stop thinking about it hmmmmm. My prepaid low FML no free incoming calls also, fuck ah why so fast finish one? But nonono i'm not going to top up unless i really need to. And i guess my really need to is tomorrow hahaha but i no money leyyyyyyyy. Why can't money fall from the sky instead, life would be fucking easier HEHE! Tonight's real cold. I guess it's malam Lailatul Qadr or smt. Let's see, 3 more days to Raya. I just couldn't believe it, it's like so fast omg? Woah i still remember what happened last year on the first day which only last for one fucking day lmao. But i hope it'll happen this year, but longer. Forever maybe? :) Okay i'm talking shit already. I wanna stay up till 11:11 to make a wish, and then go to sleep hoho. Going out tmr to study :) Bye!

Fuck you.

2010-09-05T08:05:00.000-07:00

Fuck you so much.

Hi. BGI happened today. I was rushing because i haven't polish my boots and haven't even pack my stuffs, ugh. Due to some things that ruined my mood last night, so i don't have time to do this shit. Soooooo, met Erra and blablablablablabla! Met the others and ate at Banquet, nobody fast for today :) After that trained to Yio Chu Kang and changed and yada yada. Had rehearsal, and one hour break. And then the actual thing. For about 30 minutes i stood there and nothing happened. Suddenly i got a major headache and my vision started to blur and then blackout POM i fell to the ground. I was unconscious for a few second then i realized someone was holding my head, then they carried me on a stretcher and then brought me to the medical post. I then realized i was on a stretcher, and I FUCKING FAINTED OMG?! Was quite upset because i didn't get to march on the actual thing. Sigh :( But nevermind hehe i'm alright now! :D So starting from tomorrow onwards i'm going to be reaaaaaaally realllllllyyyyy busy. Tomorrow i'm going to do Geography project with Felly and Rachel, hee! Tuesday, out to study. Wednesday, Geog lesson/First aid course. Thursday and Friday - busy preparing for raya. Guhhh, it's 11:53. So, bye!

Ugh.

2010-09-04T02:59:00.001-07:00

Idk whether to hold on or not. Sometimes i thought i had enough, and i feel like letting you go. But i'm gonna miss you and feel empty like how i used to. Your so sensitive, d'you know that? You keep saying sorry, but do you really mean it. I mean really. Sometimes thinking about you makes me wanna cry. You only want everything to go your own way. What about me? Have you ever thought about me? I don't think so. If you think you're a boy and everything you do is right, think again. I wonder if i should trust you. Because if i do, i'm afraid it would all be a lie. Grrgh, stop making me doubt you.

Howdy! I spent my whole Saturday at home, onlining. Shitz. My CA marks are atrocious! And i'm gonna start studying next week. BGI's tomorrow, my uniform is not ironed yet and my boots are not polished. I must get it polished tonight! I'm soso gonna get tanned tomorrow :( Somebody's not replying my text because i replied him 10-minutes late with a 'Lol.' Ha. I miss Angelica and alot of people whom i've been missing. Despite the fact that next week is September Holiday, it's gonna be a really hectic week for me. I cannot believe that Raya is just less than a week! HEHE. Can't wait. I can't wait for tomorrow, really. :D Okay luh, bye!

yknarf

2010-08-31T05:21:00.000-07:00

Really :)

Currently on the phone with someone. HEHE. In need of cash, okay seriously? Sigh, money money please drop down from the sky. Amin.

pain.

2010-08-28T07:25:00.000-07:00

Training was alright. Injured my left hand knuckle area there, internal bleeding. :X Geez, i can't wait for this Sunday :D Go Zone 6! ^^ Okay, updated?

something bout you.

2010-08-26T05:32:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to express how miserable i feel each and every single day. There's always this feeling that pops out randomly. I couldn't explain why or how it happens. I keep these feelings to myself, and i don't know why i do so. I myself can't even understand myself. And remember about the audition? We street aiders couldn't make it through audition, i feel like crying. I feel so miserable right now, but there's always some people who can cheer me up. I'm really glad to have you people. Love.

What do you really want?

2010-08-24T05:21:00.001-07:00

I'm not running away from reality but this is what i actually wanted so why aren't you happy for me? I know that you experienced a lot . I'm always there for you, but are you? Think again. I think i'm doing a whole lot more good deed for you than you to me. I feel so used and stupid. I don't even know what to do. And you. When are you going to reveal yourself? Geeez, don't tell me your doing this to every girl you knew. What a stupid world, what a clumsy human i am. I don't even know what i'm doing and i hope one day someone could shake me and wake me up. I don't know what to do. And yeah, i'm trying real hard to study because the same person who hurt me alot, lied to me, faked to me, the one whom alot of people i know hated, actually motivated me to study. I wanna succeed just like the person itself. :) Goodbye.

god i miss you so much

2010-08-21T20:07:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Felly Cheekyrella Nur Yasmeen Anak Rozaimi!

Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. :) It was Felly's birthday, ok. Felly came my house, i passed her my present. Hope you'd like it! Felly was basically happy because her someone was worth waiting for. So happy for her. After putting make up and stuffs,bus-ed to interchange. Met Rachel and then waited for the others at bns. Ayie paitao -.- Tsk. Afiq and A'az came. Trained to Yishun. Actually wanted to meet Dzul, but then the mrt was too crowded! Bus-ed to Yishun Safra, then waited for our turn to bowl. Bowl bowl bowl. My first time throwing was like so damn what the fuck hahaha. Below are the points. :) See i beat Felly so pro right some more this my first time playing hehehe.

After bowling, bus-ed to interchange and train-ed to Woodlands. Book tickets. One ticket was $14 as we were watching Step up 3D. Regret man, should have watched the 2D. Smuggled burgers into cinema, broke fast in it, hahaha. The movie was awesome. The nike kicks could make people steam. Seriously. It was so cool. And the childrens are so cute! (: Must watch movie. I wanna go watch the horror movie HAHAHA only the trailer we shout like crazy. After movie went to linkky to meet Anyf. He wanted to buy KitKat for Felly but kedai tutup. My 50 bucks were gone for the day, waaaaaah. Sad die. Walked to Admiralty. Were laughing like crazy people. Sat at Macd, Bought 2 $1 coke. Received a text message from Franky, woah unexpected you know. Blablabla, and walked home. Was really scary. Eventhough there's alot of people, still. Went back home, charged phone, text text text. Onlined, blablabla. Stayed up till 12.15. Went to sleep. Today! Going to Cik minah's house to break fast with cousins, yay. :) Ok bbye.